Official joke thread.

My science teacher tole me this one today.
What car do little people drive?
A mini van.
 
Salvation​
 
Whats the difference between Harry Potter and A Jew?

Harry Potter got out the chamber
 
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”



Q: What's the definition of bravery?
A: A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?
A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.


One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.



A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."



A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense.

"Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?" The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch.

"Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."
 
Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help. He shouts at the emergency operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do!?"

"Calm down", the operator says in a soothing voice, "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."

The phone goes silent for a second, then the operator hears a gunshot; "Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"
 
What is the difference between Jelly and Jam?

"I can't Jelly my Dick down your throat".

;)
 
Here is one which I like. She is facebooking so much that now she has her face on the book :p
 
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
 
How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?

About 9 months
 
Cann!bal said:
Here's a couple I said on the last joke thread.

What's funner than throwing a dead baby off a cliff?
Being at the bottom to catch it with a pitchfork.


Why do black people call each other brotha?
Because they don't know who their father is.


How do you get a jewish girl's phone number?
Look at her arm.


How do you pick up a jewish girl?
With a broom and a dust pan.


Why did Hitler kill himself?
He couldn't pay the gas bill.
Click to expand...

Thats damm hilarious..... lol
 
Why did the orange stop rolling?
BECAUSE IT RAN OUT OF JUICE!!!
HAJAJAJSHAHAHAJAHAHHAHAHAHA
 
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