Please talk to someone about this it actually hurts me so bad to know that you feel this way. Like some other users on this thread, I have been in this boat as well. For about 7 years, and it wasn't easy. All I can say is that it does get better. It took me 2 mental hospitals and an institution at the age of 16 to figure that out, but trust me, it gets better. PM me if you need to talk, actually, just PM me. I have a great list of coping strategies that have helped me for a while now. Also, think about everything you have to live for. I finally recovered for the most part and decided to get a tattoo of mountains on my wrist, symbolizing my highs & lows, and each and every day, I trace my finger along the ridges of the mountains, and pin-point where I am at that very moment. It's helped me a lot. I also pin-point where i'd like to be if i'm not satisfied. Maybe even doing this on a sheet of paper may help you out. We're here for you. People care. In the mean time, I think you really should try to see if you can get in for some therapy of some sort to keep you grounded for the time being. This site also helps with a lot of my anxieties/sadness. http://thequietplaceproject.com/ There is a lot of activities and grounding techniques on there as well. Also, there is an app on the app store called the virtual hope box. That helps me as well. Hang in there, please. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.