Well, here it goes.

Poison

Poison

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So today, my father sat me down and we had a talk.

The talk consisted of the lack of emotions and the increase of anxiety, depression, and anger I have been having recently. For some reason, I have just been showing nothing but anger. He has told me that he is fed up with me being disrespectful of him, and also upset about the fact that I had dropped two of my college classes to have more time to focus on other classes that I need to pass, and is worried of my future and education. I am still enrolled in classes right now, but not for summer classes or fall (fall enrollment has not come yet). I am still interested in getting my degree and whatnot, but I have just been having a hard time getting all of my problems out of my own head, and trying to cope with some losses and relationships I have had with my family that has been super fucked up lately. I will admit, I have been quite disrespectful to my father, but in my mind for the right reasons. I feel like he pays more attention to his girlfriend and her children more than he does me, and does whatever he can for them at the drop of a pin, yet when I need something done, for an example: fixes to my car (he is a mechanic) it gets shoved down to the bottom of the list. I sleep in the same house as him, and don't even see him at all some days. Other days, I would be working to close and he won't even have a dinner plate for me to come home to, which is usually what I have been asking for since I really don't feel like breaking out pots, pans etc. close to 11:30pm and start making myself a course meal, but he can surely feed himself. He also claims that he has been trying to help me in any way he can. His way of saying this was: "I have tried to get you to see and talk to doctors, and tried telling you that you need to cut back hours on work" (I have been working so much lately, I cannot even think straight). So when he says this to me, I'm thinking to myself: "You're not trying to help me when you want me to talk to someone, you're just trying to pass on the problems I have associated with myself and you to someone else who is a complete stranger who, by the way, I have to pay to see".

Anyways, getting off track of the main subject here. Basically the long and short run of it all is: If I do not get myself a reality check within the next few months, he has told me that he does not want me living with him anymore, and that he wouldn't want me to be apart of his life anymore. So today has been one of the shittiest days of my life, so to speak, and I am just lost for words right now. I have no idea what to do anymore, and I can't just make my life change and do a 180 right away. I have had some fucked up shit happen lately, and I can't just let them roll off my shoulder as easily as some others can, that is just not how I do things.

Just speak your mind of what any of this means to you, because I sure as hell don't even know what to do anymore. I can't comprehend what anyone wants from me anymore, and I am getting sick and tired of always feeling this way, and there is nothing to possibly steer my life away from all the drama and bullshit. I basically sit home, and have nothing but time to myself to sit there and think about all the shit that has made my mind so fucked up. I don't have a lot of friends where I live, because I did not grow up where I am currently living. All of the people I know live about an hour away, and the commute is just too much on my car, and my wallet.

What do I do?
 
Come to Maryland and stay at my house. We will do the (a m a z o n) refund method and make bank and be online FK gangsters. lol. I really couldn't tell you. I've never been in this situation myself. My brother for kicked out by my dad. Just whatever you do don't get to stressed out and be sure to aware your boss at work so he has an understanding of your problems and situations at home that we he knows if anything is affecting you at work. Not Mather what don't ever give up. You succeed nick. I know you can. Your a good person. People like you have ups and downs in life, but succeed later on. Good luck withe every thing. And if you ever need anything. You have my number.
 
The Pun way: Put on an Act at home that you are happy.

Also go back to school and ask dad to help pay for things if you do.
 
Pun said:
The Pun way: Put on an Act at home that you are happy.

Also go back to school and ask dad to help pay for things if you do.
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That is the thing though, Pun. I have been trying to put on that happy face. I am tired of holding everything inside. I am not one to disrespect anyone or try to make them hurt. I hold it all inside. I have talked to a therapist before, and the information they give me is: "Let whatever is said to you in one ear and out the other. You don't have to tell anyone what your decisions are because you are your own person". I don't want to hide anything. I hate doing that. I want my family to know my problems, but I just have so many, I don't want to give them the feeling like they are liable for them.
 
I'm in a similar situation. My Mom for 3 years liked her husband more than me. And I was depressed for 2 years and this last year I have the lowest grades anyone could get ever and I feel like she yells at me the same exact stuff. And it's nothing to do with her I just have lost all motivation to do anything and I feel like I'm sitting front row to my life going on a downward spiral of destruction. On top of that my dog of 5 years is dying. My life currently fucking sucks besides my loving girlfriend. Life is shit.
 
Kill said:
I'm in a similar situation. My Mom for 3 years liked her husband more than me. And I was depressed for 2 years and this last year I have the lowest grades anyone could get ever and I feel like she yells at me the same exact stuff. And it's nothing to do with her I just have lost all motivation to do anything and I feel like I'm sitting front row to my life going on a downward spiral of destruction. On top of that my dog of 5 years is dying. My life currently fucking sucks besides my loving girlfriend. Life is shit.
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Man, at least you have someone by your side. My family is claiming that they want to help support me, but at the same time they want me gone. It doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.
I lost my girlfriend of over 3 years in December, and that took a huge toll on me. She recently has been trying to contact me, but I know that going back down that road is going to hurt me because there were problems I had with her that she didn't want to try to fix or at least make amends with me on. So now, I have no friends, my family wants me out because of my emotions, and I have lost a love and am left with broken promises.

You seem young still, so in your situation (which I have been in, trust me) I would just start getting those grades up man. Do what you have to do to get your education straight, and then aim for a job that is going to give you the skills and money to help support yourself. Don't worry about anyone else but yourself. Your mother may be disrespecting towards you, but in the end she is still your mother, and she will help you seek the good in your future.
 
Listen man, if you need a close friend to talk to, EVER, shoot me a message. :smile:
 
Everyone wants family and friends and whoever to be aware of our problems and acknowledge it when we're struggling. Unfortunately, it's difficult for other people to pull you out, even family, because they can never grasp the severity of how you're feeling. If your family is already distancing themselves from you, and even suggesting that they don't want you to live there anymore, they're already at a position that is looking for an escape rather than a route through the maze.

Sort through your thoughts. Write down things you really want out in open air. Sit your dad, and whoever else you want, down and tell them very bluntly how you're feeling. Sometimes it breaks barriers and other times it builds them. I've been at a point where I was so lost I wanted to die, and I was terrified I was going to do something. I went to my mom, I was crying and begging for help, I was begging for anything to prevent my mind from always wandering back to the thought of suicide. My family was angry with me over this. They refused to help me find any sort of help. They were disappointed and disgusted with me. I slept in my car that night and never, ever brought it up again. I never had someone to talk to. Nobody in my life was willing to notice that I was slipping through the cracks, even though I was screaming it at them.

You have to go through every option, and allow every option to fail, until you reach one that succeeds or until you exhaust your options.

Do something drastic. Force yourself to do something drastic and uncomfortable, just to change the scenery and make way for new doors to open. Force yourself to talk to more people. But more than anything, do more for yourself. Change your work schedule. Try something different. Throw yourself into your studies, start doing something new. There isn't a way to mend the mind. You have to outsmart yourself just long enough for you to force a new situation. Don't keep doing the same thing, hoping it's going to change, hoping someone else is going to make it better, hoping you can create happiness within yourself.

Don't entrust your happiness in other people. They'll drop it. They'll drop it every time.

And always remember, it's not so easy as just choosing happiness. And I know changing situations can look so impossible. Life is such an elaborate labyrinth. It's hard to change the school skeleton, it's hard to change jobs or work hours, it's hard to change home habits. But you have to take some risks and force yourself to do drastic things.

If you fail and fall, you fall, but at least you'll land somewhere different.
 
@poison i c u adding me to your buddy list after taking me off... watchin' you :|
 
@poison I'm just teasing of course. I still know nothing about this forum; I just wander around aimlessly.
 
Poison said:
I do the same thing sometimes, just wander around aimlessly.
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Why don't you wander into an ice cream store, have something delicious, then wander into a balloon shop, and buy a bouquet, and let yourself be happy.
 
Kassie said:
Why don't you wander into an ice cream store, have something delicious, then wander into a balloon shop, and buy a bouquet, and let yourself be happy.
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Because it is 1:20 AM right now, and no ice cream shop is open, and nobody will sell a 20 year old a bouquet of balloons this late at night, they would think I am trying to steal little children.
 
Just because it may seem like he has pushed your car getting fixed to the bottom of the list does not mean that is so, keep in mind he has his own life, and his own feelings. Perhaps even he has asked you to assist him with something, yet you didn't. These are just some factors to look into. From my experience 99.9% of people treat you identical to how you treat them. Don't get me wrong I obviously do not know you entire situation so I can't say it's your's or his fault this is just my simple evaluation on what I have read, and assume. Do you pay rent, how old are you? Do you want to live your dad, and why? just those three questions could determine alot more as well...

Time will heal everything, some things just take longer than others. Treating others badly because of something not their fault is not okay though, and is a very common factor in almost all families... People get mad hold it in, and then take it out on their close ones. Which in all breaks up family life. Everyone goes through hard times. Being able to wake up the next day, and not look back is hard but the best way to go in my experience. It seriously take some learning, and alot of mental toughness but in all it works out best.

As for your spare time I would suggest getting a second job, find a new hobby, or perhaps game a little more. ;)

I am no professional in this kinda of stuff but I happened to stumble on this thread at exactly 11:11 so I was like what the hell... :p
 
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