WARNING: DRIVING DRUNK IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND ILLEGAL, THIS SHOULD ONLY BE DONE AS AN ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT.

So you find yourself at a party pretty fucked up, and for one reason or another you have to drive your ass home. How do you do it?
1. Turn off your phone and put it in the glove box.
-This prevents you from becoming distracted by someone calling/texting/facebook.
2. When you sit down,
a. PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT.
b. Both hands on the wheel. I know it might be weird since most people drive with one hand, but it helps you steer better and keeps you more concentrated.
3. Drive 5 MPH below the speed limit.
-Its really easy to forget about controlling your gas pedal, so this leaves some leeway so you don't start speeding.
4. Try to follow somebody.
- If your drunk enough, the road lines and markings will probably start to swerve. Do not follow the lines, try to follow the vehicle in front of you, if possible.
5. Avoid switching lanes.
-Only switch lanes when absolutely necessary. It can be really easy to not see some1 beside you and potentially hit them.
6. If possible, drive alone.
- If it can be avoided you should drive alone, if your driving some1 their going to be drunk (if not they would drive) and be very distracting
7. Close one eye, put your hands "10 n 2" on the steering wheel and put your thumbs in the "up" position and stay between them (credits to @"saint")
Learned most of this from personal experience/friends. Will update when I remember other shit to put in it.