Old poem (didn't know where to post)

[Burt]

Found this in an oooooold folder. Must've written it after a bad lay 4-5 years ago.

You were here, for a year, I brought you here after lots of beers.

I was blind on booze, couldn't snooze, brought you home, now I lose.

You got naked, me too, I tripped and my butthole fell on my shoe.

That sucked, but we still fucked, you weren't that great, but it was late.

Your pussy smelled, it wasn't swell, smelled like something from Hell.

I still ate it, I was hungry. Had to taste better than your bung-ry, right?

You said pull out, I say that ain't me. I jizzed inside you, stupid Steve.

You didn't get pregnant, so that worked out. Unlike you, you fat bitch.

I wanted to love you, but you were a bad person. You sucked at hand jobs, was barely any squirtin'.

I'm the one who paid, after your genitals, my dick went gay. Last time I get drunk and try to get laid.

You took my hoody, that's fucked up. But I pissed in your mouth, so that makes us even.

After you, I'm shallow as fuck. No more big bitches, no more Mexicans, no more beer.

 

[Nevermind]

How drunk were you when you wrote this?

It's actually really funny.

 

[Burt]

How drunk were you when you wrote this?

It's actually really funny.

Drunk enough to not remember writing it lol. I was hitting the Bacardi pretty hard back then, likely 151 proof, so I would say pretty damn soused haha.

 

[Nevermind]

Drunk enough to not remember writing it lol. I was hitting the Bacardi pretty hard back then, likely 151 proof, so I would say pretty damn soused haha.

Please write more of these. Please.

 

[Prepare]

Were you also drunk when you decided to post this in the Graphics section? Lol.

 

[Craig]

You sir... I give you props nice poem, super funny too.

 

[Phormick]

I'm going to be making a dub step track out of these. Gg no re

 

[Burt]

Please write more of these. Please.

lol I don't drink much anymore, but next time I do, I'll keep my laptop powered on.

---

Were you also drunk when you decided to post this in the Graphics section? Lol.

Nah...I just didn't know where else to post it lol.

---

You sir... I give you props nice poem, super funny too.

Thanks lol. Those were weird times in my life.

---

I'm going to be making a dub step track out of these. Gg no re

Go for it, lmao. Please let me hear the finished product.

 

[Michael]

I was alright and reading it until I hit: "You didn't get pregnant, so that worked out. Unlike you, you fat bitch." then I absolutely lost my shit.

 

[Show]

This made my day! Damn you must have been wasted.

 

[Sapphire]

This was one weird ass thread.

Thanks for sharing though.

 

[Burt]

lol I got to digging and found an old breakup email I sent...I'll post more here as I find them xD. It's not a poem, but I can't believe I was so shallow to actually send something like this.

-------------------------

Dear Candice,

I'm writing this to tell you why I left without saying anything last night. The night started off great, but then I started noticing things about you that were unattractive to me as a man. Firstly, you had a feint odor during our date and it threw me off. It took me a while to figure out that it was a lack of deodorant, but then it was obvious. It wasn't that bad, but it's something you expect a man to do; forget his deodorant. As a woman, there's no excuse for that. Then during dinner, you kept talking while eating. At one point you even spit pasta sauce across at me, but I subtly wiped it off and let it go. Then when we got back to my place and started getting relaxed, you took your socks off and I was horrified at how badly your toe nails were. Long as fuck, uneven and yellow. I somehow looked past that, but the final straw came after we had sex. It was around 4AM and I was like 10% awake and we were in the cuddle position, your back to my front with my arm extended over you. Out of nowhere, I hear a huge blasting noise and feel a warm sensation overtake my genitals. You ripped a nasty, stinking fart right on my dick. So that's why I left. You have a lot of bad habits that're ok for a man, but not becoming of a woman. And don't give me the double standard thing, because that doesn't apply here. I keep myself up hyngeinically and besides, men are expected to do most of that stuff at some point. We're dirty and uncivilized. Women aren't supposed to do that. It's unattractive as fuck. During our entire date last night, I felt like I was with a man WAY too often. Anyways, I hope this isn't offensive to you. I'm telling your all of this for your own good. And I'm REALLY sorry that I'm doing this via e-mail, but I generally have no interest in furthering a relationship with you and it would feel too awkward having this conversation face-to-face.

All the best,
Steve.