My mom started smoking

My parents are split up. I live with both my sisters (22 and 20) and I'm 18. My grandmother moved in with us a while ago. The reason of the move is because she used to live with my uncle but he took his own life and she found him in their cellar. The sight left her distorted in some way so we needed to take her in. You can read about it 'here'.

Since then, my mother's been doing her own thing. She doesn't stay home much anymore and is always at her boyfriend's place because she doesn't get very much time to be out of the house since she's always looking after my grandmother. So she doesn't waste any free time. As soon as someone's home with my grandmother, she takes off for the night. Sometimes she spends the night there.

Bottom line here is that we've all told my mom that her boyfriend's a bad influence. She stared smoking because of him and just yesterday, I found dietary supplements in her medicine cabinet. Not prescription but similar to those '4 hour energy shots'. They're really small. I'm really worried about her health because she's lost a lot of weight because of the combined effects of not eating as well as smoking. At first I was worried about her mental state because I thought she was going to hit a downhill but not it's affection her physical state as well and I would really like to intervene but I've never had to stop my parents, or anyone for that matter, from smoking so I don't know how to do it. I've already tried hiding her cigarettes but she doesn't care. She buys more. She doesn't yell at me asking for them because she knows I'll blast her that she shouldn't smoke.

What should I do?

Take her and your grandmother to a councillor/doctors. Your mum and grandmother need help ASAP.

Jonathan said:

Take her and your grandmother to a councillor/doctors. Your mum and grandmother need help ASAP.

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1. My grandmother is essentially a vegetable. It explains it in the linked thread.
2. My mom would never agree to counseling.

If I could get her to stop smoking to begin with, I'll be more than happy but I'm afraid she'll be moody all the time.

smoking what? what you should do depends on this

GarrettG said:

smoking what? what you should do depends on this

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Cigarettes.

Solidify said:

Cigarettes.

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maybe try nicotine patches if she would be willing?
or nicotine gum, both help very well with quitting, for most people anyway.

That's lame. Talk to here about electronic cigarettes, she'll be able to smoke them for addiction, and they're nowhere near as bad for you or the environment.

Pink Floyd said:

That's lame. Talk to here about electronic cigarettes, she'll be able to smoke them for addiction, and they're nowhere near as bad for you or the environment.

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i've tried those, didn't like them very much, just my thoughts tho.

They're better then cigarettes.

Pink Floyd said:

They're better then than cigarettes.

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And sure, but my mom isn't willing to quit. That's clear as daylight. I need to find a way to get through to her. My uncle that passed away was a really heavy smoker. Smoked for 40 years and had yellow finger-tips. We've already told her 'You want to end up like him?' and she doesn't answer.

Solidify said:

And sure, but my mom isn't willing to quit. That's clear as daylight. I need to find a way to get through to her. My uncle that passed away was a really heavy smoker. Smoked for 40 years and had yellow finger-tips. We've already told her 'You want to end up like him?' and she doesn't answer.

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this is a very radical approach but, maybe light up a few cig's infront of her? show it's a bad influence to you? like i said very radical but might work?

GarrettG said:

this is a very radical approach but, maybe light up a few cig's infront of her? show it's a bad influence to you? like i said very radical but might work?

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I wouldn't dare. I know it has a chance at working but I'm not willing to risk my health. I was brought up to never touch drugs.

Solidify said:

I wouldn't dare. I know it has a chance at working but I'm not willing to risk my health. I was brought up to never touch drugs.

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i understand, like i said it was radical, maybe even not actually use them? let her find them in your jeans or something?

GarrettG said:

i understand, like i said it was radical, maybe even not actually use them? let her find them in your jeans or something?

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She knows that my sister smokes already and I haven't heard a peep out of her yet but I might consider it.

Another thing that you won't like but needs to be done is, she needs to know you don't approve and i don't mean just a simple" hey mom that isn't right"
i mean a good 'ol sit down and let her know exactly how you feel, this will most likely result in yelling but if you want her to quit it needs to be known and known for damn sure you do not approve.

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Solidify said:

She knows that my sister smokes already and I haven't heard a peep out of her yet but I might consider it.

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the way i see it though, when it comes to people not wanting to quit there has to be something that wakes them up and makes them notice it's bad for them, therefor i believe radicalism is a decent approach to things.
you need to make her say " why am i doing this to myself?" or "why am i doing this to my kids, why am i setting a bad example when they need me in these tough times"? make her notice that she has to be the mom in this situation, she has to be the one who keeps the family together once she notices that things should start to change for the better.

Hmm, get her to start Blind dates

GarrettG said:

Another thing that you won't like but needs to be done is, she needs to know you don't approve and i don't mean just a simple" hey mom that isn't right"
i mean a good 'ol sit down and let her know exactly how you feel, this will most likely result in yelling but if you want her to quit it needs to be known and known for damn sure you do not approve.

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the way i see it though, when it comes to people not wanting to quit there has to be something that wakes them up and makes them notice it's bad for them, therefor i believe radicalism is a decent approach to things.
you need to make her say " why am i doing this to myself?" or "why am i doing this to my kids, why am i setting a bad example when they need me in these tough times"? make her notice that she has to be the mom in this situation, she has to be the one who keeps the family together once she notices that things should start to change for the better.

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She knows its wrong and we've all yelled at her for doing it before and made her seem infantile and really stupid but she doesn't answer. As soon as we start addressing problems at home, she takes off to her boyfriend's house. Almost like she's too afraid to address them. She puts them under the rug. Whether its about smoking or not, there's only a few occurrences than we've actually had a decent mutual conversation about things that happen at home without her leaving or changing the topic.

Solidify said:

She knows its wrong and we've all yelled at her for doing it before and made her seem infantile and really stupid but she doesn't answer. As soon as we start addressing problems at home, she takes off to her boyfriend's house. Almost like she's too afraid to address them. She puts them under the rug. Whether its about smoking or not, there's only a few occurrences than we've actually had a decent mutual conversation about things that happen at home without her leaving or changing the topic.

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call her on it.
tell her its FUCKING BULLSHIT
use anger, it helps, don't let her leave stop her, tell her it NEEDS to stop, not an option the only answer is QUIT

OK. I'll give it another shot but it'll have to wait until I catch her red-handed so there's more emphasis.

you could always Make Her Feel bad insted of Angering her even more and more... if you say to her , THATS IT , ive had enough!!! i dont even fucking care any more, Kill yourself with those Shit Cigaretes Just Like uncle!!! i hate you !!! - I pritty much did that to my Dad And it worked