Feeling a bit down or just looking for a laugh? you've come to the right place! 
Feel free to add your own but please don't make them too inappropriate or at least whack a spoiler and put an appropriate age caption :wink:
Joke 1:
Joke 2:
Joke 3:
Zen Quotes!
Well, I know they are a little lame but they are classic and funny imo! :smiley:
Feel free to add your own but please don't make them too inappropriate or at least whack a spoiler and put an appropriate age caption :wink:
Joke 1:
A rich man moved into the neighbourhood and went to church on the Sunday morning where he listened to a spellbinding sermon. After the service was over, he took the vicar by the hand and shook it vigorously.
"That was the best damned sermon I've ever heard,"
He said forcefully.
"Well thank you very much," replied the vicar, somewhat taken aback by the man's enthusiasm.
"But Erm... I'd rather you didn't curse," he said.
The rich man continued,
"yes you can count on me to be at this service every week, it was bloody marvellous."
"Good, good," replied the vicar "but please don't swear."
"In fact, it was so damned great, I put $1000 in the collection," he added.
"Fuck me!" Exclaimed the vicar.
"That was the best damned sermon I've ever heard,"
He said forcefully.
"Well thank you very much," replied the vicar, somewhat taken aback by the man's enthusiasm.
"But Erm... I'd rather you didn't curse," he said.
The rich man continued,
"yes you can count on me to be at this service every week, it was bloody marvellous."
"Good, good," replied the vicar "but please don't swear."
"In fact, it was so damned great, I put $1000 in the collection," he added.
"Fuck me!" Exclaimed the vicar.
Joke 2:
The lawyer looked at his client and said,
"I've got good news and bad news. Your wife has found a picture worth $1 million."
"Well that's amazing!" exclaimed the client, "but what's the bad news?"
"It's a picture of you and your secretary.
"I've got good news and bad news. Your wife has found a picture worth $1 million."
"Well that's amazing!" exclaimed the client, "but what's the bad news?"
"It's a picture of you and your secretary.
Joke 3:
It was Saturday night and three sisters were going out with their boyfriends.
"Bye mum," said the first sister, I'm going out with Chas to listen to Jazz."
Moments later, the second sister came to say goodbye.
"I'm going out with Lance to dance."
Then the third sister walked in,
"Bye mum, "I'm going out with Chuck..."
"Oh no!" her mother quickly exclaimed. "You're not going anywhere."
"Bye mum," said the first sister, I'm going out with Chas to listen to Jazz."
Moments later, the second sister came to say goodbye.
"I'm going out with Lance to dance."
Then the third sister walked in,
"Bye mum, "I'm going out with Chuck..."
"Oh no!" her mother quickly exclaimed. "You're not going anywhere."
Zen Quotes!
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
Always remember, your unique.... just like everyone else...
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted
No one is listening until you make a mistake
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
Always remember, your unique.... just like everyone else...
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted
No one is listening until you make a mistake
