When i was in 7th grade i transferred to a new school because i got expelled from my previous school. in 6th I didn't have any close friends and ended getting in fights all the time. That's the reason i ended up getting kicked out. Thats just a little background now lets get back to 7th grade. I started a week late because of forms and stuff and i actually made a friend within my first 2 periods of school the dudes name is Damian and he is still one of my best friends to this day. He still jokes around about how when he first talked to me I looked so depressed and thats why he came up to me. Moving on. In my 3rd period i sat next to this girl named Jasmine. She was a gorgeous nerdy girl with glasses. We didn't fall in love right away obviously. I actually got a crush on her friend. I ended up asking her friend out and she said yes. after about a week of me and her friend dating i heard that the girl Jasmine had a crush on me. and suddenly for no reason at all i broke up with her friend and started talking to Jasmine. We messaged each other on facebook everyday and ooVoo'd almost everyday. I actually thought i was in love with her. One night when we we're on facebook I told her that i heard that she liked me. She said she did at the beginning of the year but she didn't anymore. I was crushed so we I distanced myself for a bit. She started dating this guy named Isaiah. It pissed me off so much. I guess i was being selfish because i didn't ask her out when she still liked me. She messaged me after about a week and we started talking more and more. She was dating that guy while we were talking. After about a month of this she told me she loved me. I obviously felt the same way so i told her that. This started the bullshit. We then began our "relationship" or whatever it was. I asked her to break up with that guy but she didn't. And i was so in love that i allowed it to go on with me in the background. After going to about a month of seeing them make out during lunch and then her going home and talking to me saying how much she loved me i finally had enough. We were ooVooing and I asked her if she really loved me or if I was just a shoulder to cry on. She insisted that she loved me even more than her boyfriend. I don't know why but i believed her. (MORE BULLSHIT INCOMING). In my group of friends there was the one kid named David who I was pretty close with and he told me that he had a crush on her. No one knew that we were talking so I wasn't mad at him (at first). Then out of nowhere he started joining our ooVoo calls and shit. It stopped being private calls between us and it became a group thing. It was so annoying. I thought i was being selfish and needy so i tried to not be angry about it. Then out of nowhere Jasmine and Isaiah broke up (for the first time) I waited a week and then finally asked if she'd officially be my girlfriend. She said yes but she need some time. I was so happy at first but after 3 weeks of trying to hold her hand or anything like that i finally went up to her and said "Listen are we dating are not. I thought you loved me but if you're just going to keep me waiting you might aswell go back to Isaiah". She assured me that she loved me so i went home and joined me David and Jasmine's group call. I overheard her telling David that she got back with Isaiah because i gave her a green light or something. And although i hate to admit it i bawled like a bitch. I guess she saw me leave the call so she tried adding me back and calling me after a bit i finally joined. I guess she could tell that i was crying and she felt like shit. I told her that i was sick of being her back up and that if she really loved me she needed to tell me. She said she did and i stupidly believed her. I could right this all out but im gonna save some time because basically all that happened is this repeated about 2 more times. We're nearing the end of 7th grade now and she calls me up like she usually did. I answered the call and she just started talking. She said that she didn't love me anymore or atleast in that way. She told me she liked David. I was mad as fuck and sad as fuck. I was so confused so it just turned into fury. I screenshotted a convo we had where she said that she would break up with her boyfriend Isaiah for me and i started threating to post it on Instagram (ha i was a scumbag sorry i was didn't handle it like i should've) I told her that she need to apologize for leading me on for so long. I just needed something to cut ties from her. She called me on ooVoo crying saying how sorry she was. I wasn't having it. She wanted me to be her buddy. After making me fall in love with her fuck that. I ended up not posting the picture and just blocking her on everything. fast forward to about half way through 8th grade. I have been ignoring her since. I didn't even look in her direction. One day i was hanging out with one of Jasmine's friends because she left to go hangout with her new boyfriend (Who was another good friend of mine). The bell rang so lunch was over and i started walking Jasmine's friend to class. She suddenly walks up next to me and just stands there. I didn't walk away. She then walked infront of me and gave me a long ass hug and told me how much she missed me.(This destroyed me. This entire time i was ignoring her because i knew i'd forgive her because even after everything i still loved her).(yeah i know im stupid). Fast forward to the end of eighth grade i completely fell for her again.(sorry im dumb). I couldn't hide it anymore so i told her. She flat out turned me down (obviously. im not blaming her for this). Again i was heartbroken and started ignoring her again. im going into 11th grade now. she texted me a month ago. i started talking to her again and i think im falling for her again. no matter how much i try i can't get over this and its tearing me apart because i know that i can never have her. even when i ignore her i miss her and i feel like i love her. after all these years i still can't get over this fucking feeling and i need some advice. How do you stop loving someone.
I'm sorry if this is all over the place it's 3am and i cant sleep so i decided to vent
I'm sorry if this is all over the place it's 3am and i cant sleep so i decided to vent
