Where is my hamster?

After I mowed my lawn, i let my hamster out of the cage to play with the neighbors child that I kidnapped. I saw a black guy pass by and I got so scared that I ran out the backdoor of my home to notice I got locked out! After breaking into my home, my hamster went missing! I might put up a reward for him, but I used all my money on ordering child pornography.

Any help?

People trying to win @Lame123 contest write threads like this...

He has a light brown back with a white bottom.

Should I make a police report?

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Can any of you fucking idiots help me? I will ddos this fucking site if I don't get any sort of help.

you should call the cops. thats what i did when i lost my hamster.

What should I tell them? This needs to be a serious phone call.