Okay, first things first. You need the right equipment. You need:
A fifty gallon drum.
Eighty feet of climbing rope.
A GSP device of some kind.
Enough ice cream to feed a cub scout pack.
Eighteen number nine nails of any variety.
A six pack of your favorite beverage.
About $1800 in untraceable bills.
Stop writing this down!! I’m kidding!!! You don’t need any of this. Well, the $1800 you can send to me. But all you really need to take screenshots is:
A computer.
Imagine that. You don’t even really need anything to take screenshots of. Just a computer. I'll prove it to you later.
Heck, it doesn’t even have to be your own computer. It can be your mom’s, your dad’s, your girlfriend’s. Don’t let people lie to you!! Rights of ownership are NOT required to take screenshots.
Now, look down at your keyboard. Well, wait until you finish reading this sentence. Maybe the paragraph, better wait until you’re done with the paragraph. THEN look down at your keyboard. Study every key carefully. Focus on the shape of the key, the color, the texture. Clear all negativity from your mind. Allow yourself to become one with keys, in a powerful union of Zen oneness.
Keep this up until you see a vision of the [Prnt Scr] button.
Now this is tricky; it’s one of those Microsoft secret symbols, like 666, but Prnt Scr means . . . shhh . . .
Print Screen.
Nooooo, don’t tell your girlfriend! Jeeze, it's a SECRET!!!
Reach out with your finger. Carefully touch the tip of the key. NO! Don’t press it! Just touch it. Caress it. Stroke it.
Now get some industrial strength cleaner to clean those thoughts from your mind.
[Sigh]
Okay, press the button. Yes, the print screen button. Press it. All the way down.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. But, LIT, nothing happened!! Okay, here’s where we leave the world of the concrete, the world of the knowable, the world of Bentham’s order and Russell’s symbolic logic and enter the dark and sinister world of . . . magic and mysticism.
Look on your computer screen, at the lower left hand corner. The is a [START] button with a little Microsoft flag on it. Shhh . . . that’s another secret symbol. Click on the [START] button with your mouse.
Something happened right? No, I mean on the computer!! Jeeze. A menu popped up. On this menu is a phrase: "All Programs." This means, believe it or not, that if you click on it, you will see a list of all the programs on your computer.
Try it.
Wow! A whole list of programs. A virtual cornucopia of crap to do on a computer. Now this list may seem overwhelming at first, but that’s okay. We'll get through it. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes if you have to. Now, find the word: "Accessories." Yeah, that’s it.
Now, highlight the word "Accessories." Just highlight it. When you do that another entire list of programs appears. I mean, your mind is probably beginning to blow right now, huh? How many programs are there on this computer? Well, I’ll tell you a secret: no one really knows. They think, oh, maybe some number between the total number of all the planets in our solar system and the total number of all the grains of sand on every beach in the greater Carribean, but since no on has counted either the planets or the sand, the best we have is a hypothesis.
But I digress. Okay, on this "Accessories" menu, find the word "Paint". Click on the word "Paint." Amazingly, a program window opens. Just so you know, these are programs that Microsoft automatically installs on your computer to steal your money and monitor you private life. Use them freely.
On this program screen you will see, at the top the program, the word "Edit." Click on the word edit, then click on the word paste. Ignore all other words. Just click on the word paste. You should see something like this:
Holy wide-eyed cavemen, Batman! That’s the image of . . . your computer desktop! Not the image on the screen, the one in your program. I'm talking about the image on your computer . . . oh, never mind. Look, I know what you're thinking. How does it do that? Well, only three people in the entire world know: Bill Gates, a nearsighted Japanese computer engineer with a slight limp, and some guy who used to work for the FBI but now lives in a secure hospital outside of Washington where he spouts forth his theories on who killed Kennedy, cell phone cancer, and where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
That’s it. Truly. That's all there is to it. You can do that as much as you want. There is no law against it and your Mom won’t shoot you nasty looks if you do.
Now, once you've overcome your initial . . . hesitation . . . there are things that you can do to make the experience more enjoyabe. You can try a variety of positions. Try some with a computer program open, for example. Or better yet, with your favorite version of RTW! Yeah, that’s it. Feel empowered!
As you do so, you'll learn several new maneuvers like [ALT-TAB]. Oh, this is the wildest! When you're in a program, like RTW, and you want to magically jump from there to your desktop, you just press the ALT key and the TAB key. In that sequence. You're window will close and SHAZAM! you'll be on your desktop. This is useful when you want to take several screenshots, and you don't want to open and close the program every time.
Your training is complete. No, you don’t to worship me. That’s not necessary. Just send the money.
A fifty gallon drum.
Eighty feet of climbing rope.
A GSP device of some kind.
Enough ice cream to feed a cub scout pack.
Eighteen number nine nails of any variety.
A six pack of your favorite beverage.
About $1800 in untraceable bills.
Stop writing this down!! I’m kidding!!! You don’t need any of this. Well, the $1800 you can send to me. But all you really need to take screenshots is:
A computer.
Imagine that. You don’t even really need anything to take screenshots of. Just a computer. I'll prove it to you later.
Heck, it doesn’t even have to be your own computer. It can be your mom’s, your dad’s, your girlfriend’s. Don’t let people lie to you!! Rights of ownership are NOT required to take screenshots.
Now, look down at your keyboard. Well, wait until you finish reading this sentence. Maybe the paragraph, better wait until you’re done with the paragraph. THEN look down at your keyboard. Study every key carefully. Focus on the shape of the key, the color, the texture. Clear all negativity from your mind. Allow yourself to become one with keys, in a powerful union of Zen oneness.
Keep this up until you see a vision of the [Prnt Scr] button.
Now this is tricky; it’s one of those Microsoft secret symbols, like 666, but Prnt Scr means . . . shhh . . .
Print Screen.
Nooooo, don’t tell your girlfriend! Jeeze, it's a SECRET!!!
Reach out with your finger. Carefully touch the tip of the key. NO! Don’t press it! Just touch it. Caress it. Stroke it.
Now get some industrial strength cleaner to clean those thoughts from your mind.
[Sigh]
Okay, press the button. Yes, the print screen button. Press it. All the way down.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. But, LIT, nothing happened!! Okay, here’s where we leave the world of the concrete, the world of the knowable, the world of Bentham’s order and Russell’s symbolic logic and enter the dark and sinister world of . . . magic and mysticism.
Look on your computer screen, at the lower left hand corner. The is a [START] button with a little Microsoft flag on it. Shhh . . . that’s another secret symbol. Click on the [START] button with your mouse.
Something happened right? No, I mean on the computer!! Jeeze. A menu popped up. On this menu is a phrase: "All Programs." This means, believe it or not, that if you click on it, you will see a list of all the programs on your computer.
Try it.
Wow! A whole list of programs. A virtual cornucopia of crap to do on a computer. Now this list may seem overwhelming at first, but that’s okay. We'll get through it. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes if you have to. Now, find the word: "Accessories." Yeah, that’s it.
Now, highlight the word "Accessories." Just highlight it. When you do that another entire list of programs appears. I mean, your mind is probably beginning to blow right now, huh? How many programs are there on this computer? Well, I’ll tell you a secret: no one really knows. They think, oh, maybe some number between the total number of all the planets in our solar system and the total number of all the grains of sand on every beach in the greater Carribean, but since no on has counted either the planets or the sand, the best we have is a hypothesis.
But I digress. Okay, on this "Accessories" menu, find the word "Paint". Click on the word "Paint." Amazingly, a program window opens. Just so you know, these are programs that Microsoft automatically installs on your computer to steal your money and monitor you private life. Use them freely.
On this program screen you will see, at the top the program, the word "Edit." Click on the word edit, then click on the word paste. Ignore all other words. Just click on the word paste. You should see something like this:
Holy wide-eyed cavemen, Batman! That’s the image of . . . your computer desktop! Not the image on the screen, the one in your program. I'm talking about the image on your computer . . . oh, never mind. Look, I know what you're thinking. How does it do that? Well, only three people in the entire world know: Bill Gates, a nearsighted Japanese computer engineer with a slight limp, and some guy who used to work for the FBI but now lives in a secure hospital outside of Washington where he spouts forth his theories on who killed Kennedy, cell phone cancer, and where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
That’s it. Truly. That's all there is to it. You can do that as much as you want. There is no law against it and your Mom won’t shoot you nasty looks if you do.
Now, once you've overcome your initial . . . hesitation . . . there are things that you can do to make the experience more enjoyabe. You can try a variety of positions. Try some with a computer program open, for example. Or better yet, with your favorite version of RTW! Yeah, that’s it. Feel empowered!
As you do so, you'll learn several new maneuvers like [ALT-TAB]. Oh, this is the wildest! When you're in a program, like RTW, and you want to magically jump from there to your desktop, you just press the ALT key and the TAB key. In that sequence. You're window will close and SHAZAM! you'll be on your desktop. This is useful when you want to take several screenshots, and you don't want to open and close the program every time.
Your training is complete. No, you don’t to worship me. That’s not necessary. Just send the money.
mg:
