Trouble

Hello FK,

I was keeping this private but I thought it might be a good idea to share my feelings. I feel awful right now...

About 5 months ago I got really high. I was in my attic with my friends. I smoked a joint, and was ripping out of a bong. I smoked a lot when I sat down. This moment changed my whole life. I stood up when I felt the whole world around me warp into an almost fictional reality. Great, I got high? Well yes very much so, but I felt awful. I felt as though I was going to die. I felt all my family and friends. The connection between us was temporarily sliced off. I didn't know them. I didn't know me. This lasted for a week. I was in tears a lot. I was depressed and I felt highly disorientated. I even saw my doctor who explained shit about marijuana.

I felt as though a sheet of darkness covered my life.
Fast forward 5 months later..

It was a normal day today ever since the experience not a single day has gone un-interrupted by haunting thoughts of this horrid experience.

My sister came back with 12 grams of medical marijuana. I felt as though smoking again would give me a sense of closure. Boy was I WRONG. Of course what happens? I feel depressed and get a relapse. Yes, I feel incredibly out of touch with reality and no conscience and feel numb and shaky all over. I feel as though I am tripping on balls.

I am writing this 2 minutes after my smoke with my sister. I am still experiencing everything in full force as I write this. I just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

ForumKorner has given me so much insight into life and its expansive discussion

I feel bad to my parents, I feel as though I am disappointing them.

All I want to happen right now is for me to become normal again. Even have these memories wiped, and I want to spend every living second with my family.

Candy is such a good group, and I thank you all for being there for me.

If there is a god (@"Michael") then I want to let him know I am sorry. And all I want, is not a substance, but an ability to care.


This is a serious thread and I would more than love serious replies. I never got this onto paper so it feels better.

@Poison @Bit

Woah.. if you ever need someone to talk to, hmu..

Some extreme self loathing, get yourself on the right path, get 100% clean, stay hydrated eat healthy, meditate a lot.

Knowing is half the battle.

This may be a chemical imbalance, or malnourishment, but it sounds to me like you just had an epiphany and you're handling it in your own way. I suggest everything here though as it's hard to know.

Weed causes lots of different effects with different people, I've had a moment like that on it before, not quite like that, but yeah.

HMU if you want my phone # could play therapist with you some time, and I won't charge, you won't even owe me one.

Bit said:

Some extreme self loathing, get yourself on the right path, get 100% clean, stay hydrated eat healthy, meditate a lot.

Knowing is half the battle.

This may be a chemical imbalance, or malnourishment, but it sounds to me like you just had an epiphany and you're handling it in your own way. I suggest everything here though as it's hard to know.

Weed causes lots of different effects with different people, I've had a moment like that on it before, not quite like that, but yeah.

HMU if you want my phone # could play therapist with you some time, and I won't charge, you won't even owe me one.

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Self loathing? Weird. Before this I was always super optimistic and very comfortable in my skin. Thanks so much
I will PM you if I need

Hey @"Yeti" PM me if you need anything bud. An uncle of mine went through something similar, except it was from an overdose. Forgot all about everything for a month or so...Never overdosed again. Just try to stay away from marijuana, it obviously doesn't have good effects on you.

Hope you feel better man...

Yeti said:

Self loathing? Weird. Before this I was always super optimistic and very comfortable in my skin. Thanks so much
I will PM you if I need

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It really sounds like it, but consider what else I said, depression can cause you to not eat/drink as much which can only worsen everything.

It's a good opportunity to make a new you though, I would capitalize on it.

Tbh this thread is so fucking cool. You just let out everything that's on your mind, regardless of what it is or if it even makes any sense. I'm being 100% serious. I hope it makes you feel better, it's really interesting to read too, it's almost like I can feel what you're feeling because I've had the same exact feeling before. You know what I'm saying?

So wait, you were high for a week or am I just reading it wrong?

Poop said:

So wait, you were high for a week or am I just reading it wrong?

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yea. no offense op, but l fell like you just got high. being high heightens your senses. so you probably just had depression in there somewhere and smoking just spilled the water.


been there before bud. just use this as an opportunity for getting better, now that you know what's wrong.

Fireworks said:

yea. no offense op, but l fell like you just got high. being high heightens your senses. so you probably just had depression in there somewhere and smoking just spilled the water.


been there before bud. just use this as an opportunity for getting better, now that you know what's wrong.

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I was not high for a week, lol. I did however feel very like washed for a week. I got extremely high. And Fireworks, then idk how people like weed, 'cause what I felt was one step in reality and one step out. Worst feeling ever. Very disorientating and extremely scary.

Im just saying my experience thats all.

Yeti said:

I was not high for a week, lol. I did however feel very like washed for a week. I got extremely high. And Fireworks, then idk how people like weed, 'cause what I felt was one step in reality and one step out. Worst feeling ever. Very disorientating and extremely scary.

Im just saying my experience thats all.

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you just gotta get rid of all that negative energy bro. dead serious.

Fireworks said:

you just gotta get rid of all that negative energy bro. dead serious.

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I HONESTLY think its my mom. My grandfather was extremely OCD and my mom is incredibly stressful and negative. Nonetheless she is very caring and tries her best.

Genetics?

Yeti said:

I HONESTLY think its my mom. My grandfather was extremely OCD and my mom is incredibly stressful and negative. Nonetheless she is very caring and tries her best.

Genetics?

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l think that you just have a lot weighing you down.

Fireworks said:

l think that you just have a lot weighing you down.

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Highly possible. New school, new friends, my best friend got sent to rehab. Maybe I should smoke when Im older and I get to know myself more?

Keep your head up bub.

I believe there is a God. He's a pretty great one if you ask me. PM me if you wish to discuss this further buddy.

Sounds like your shit was laced. Bud doesn't do that kinda shit too you haha, or you are very weak minded and too young to be smoking.

NIgga yeti i never knew this do you feel paranoid or what

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More: sounds like weed isn't for you!

Maybe you go down instead of going up when you get high.

I go down too but obviously not as much as you

Wtf I never heard anyone getting this effect from weed before, it's strange.

Miles said:

friend yeti i never knew this do you feel paranoid or what

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More: sounds like weed isn't for you!

Maybe you go down instead of going up when you get high.

I go down too but obviously not as much as you

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Yeah, I'm not gonna smoke anymore haha. This didn't happen before. I used to get really giggly etc.

I feel better now though, but still.

Yeti, you're a strong man, a great leader and are a great member to the site. Stay strong!