The greatest essay ever written.

And the race is off! I pick up my pace right off the bat, accelerating to the best of my ability. Being my first race, the taste of a loss would not settle well, and I knew that. Millions of us, all striving to the same destination, all aiming for the same goal, to win this race. Everyone looked the same to me, we all seemed to have a distinct body figure to us, thin at the bottom, yet widening towards the top of our bodies. Once I reached the first checkpoint, I knew that the rest of the race was mine, I had this victory in the bag. The first checkpoint building was a large spherical building, with pinkish interior coloring, which seemed some what out of the ordinary to me. I had not expected this superstructure to have the girlish form of covering, but it was a beautiful building nonetheless. Once checking in with my supervisor, I then made my way around the architecture, scouting out the start of my next race. The next “leg” of the race seemed like a tricky one, it looked almost as though I were to remain in this odd building for 9 more months, and this house-like figure would proceed to move with me. Being the lazy bastard I am, I decided nothing could be better than relaxing in this warmth, constantly being fed, and just going with the flow. It took me quite some time to realize, but I looked around and I recognized the fact that all my opponents, and a few of my old companions running with me, had not made it into the building. Where had my friends gone? Why didn’t my friends come in second and third right behind me, like they were throughout the whole race? Seeing as I am only a pea sized being, those thoughts seemed to go into one ear and out the other at this point. After a few months of life in this house, the walls seemed to begin shrinking in towards me, and I needed to shift my body multiple times due to the discomfort this home began giving me. I kept hearing these weird voices outside of my real estate, constantly saying “OH MY GOD HE’S KICKING!”, who was kicking what, and why? The voices constantly grew more and more annoying on me, yet I grew to love and cherish them. After living in the comfort of this household for approximately 270 days, I recognized I certainly outgrew my stay, both metaphorically and literally. For some odd reason, I saw a bright light shining in towards my eyes, and I did not want to know what exactly it was, so I began moving in the opposing direction for my own safety. This light, and these people outside seemed to mean me some form of harm, because I could recognize the same voice that lovingly talked about me, screaming in some form of pain, these men must have been hurting her. The man, surgeon Mitch, proceeded to scream “PUSH!” at the top of his lungs, and these large man-like hands cradled me, and helped me climb out of that hellhole. I proceed to cry and scream, because that had to have been one of the most uncomfortable experiences I have ever succumbed to, I accepted the fate. Now, a young boy outside of this old estate I had lived in for so long, I finally recognized, that had not been a race, that had been birth, the escape from my mother. I could feel the supernatural forces pushing me each way through my leg’s of the race, and now my reward, I will be waited on hand and foot for the next few years.