Cow Jokes,
by Elysian (Sir)
Anyone want some awesome Cow jokes? I know I do! Well you've come to the right place.
by Elysian (Sir)
Anyone want some awesome Cow jokes? I know I do! Well you've come to the right place.
Info[/b]]
I just created this, it took me about an Hour to put it all together, and get all the Jokes. Please leave feedback, and let me know if you want another one :3 Feel free to post some of yours, if I like them, I may add them. (If this is in the Wrong place, or you know a better place, let me know)
Also,
Jokes that have a * on them are my favorites
Also,
Jokes that have a * on them are my favorites
Political Cow Jokes[/b]]
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cow.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government takes the milk and pays you for it and then pours the milk down the drain.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
DEMOCRAT -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST -You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST -You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FLORIDA CORPORATION -You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
AMERICAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION -You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
*ITALIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
GERMAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
*POLISH CORPORATION -You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government takes the milk and pays you for it and then pours the milk down the drain.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
DEMOCRAT -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST -You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST -You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FLORIDA CORPORATION -You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
AMERICAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION -You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
*ITALIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
GERMAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
*POLISH CORPORATION -You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have
Just Plain Cow Jokes[/b]]
What do you call a Cow with no Legs?
Ground Beef
What do you call a cow that has two Legs?
Side of beef
What do you call a Cow with three Legs?
Lean Beef
*What do you call a Cow with an Eye Twitch?
Beef Jerky
*Why did the Cow jump over the Moon?
The Farmer had Cold Hands
What do you call it when a cow tries to jump over a barbed-wire fence?
Udder destruction
How do you keep milk from going sour?
Keep it in the cow -Techno
Ground Beef
What do you call a cow that has two Legs?
Side of beef
What do you call a Cow with three Legs?
Lean Beef
*What do you call a Cow with an Eye Twitch?
Beef Jerky
*Why did the Cow jump over the Moon?
The Farmer had Cold Hands
What do you call it when a cow tries to jump over a barbed-wire fence?
Udder destruction
How do you keep milk from going sour?
Keep it in the cow -Techno
Lolwut? Cow Jokes[/b]]
Warning: A lot of these may just not make sense xD
---Mad-Cow---
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Heck, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
---Cojones---
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. "These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today." The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night." "Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."
---Branding---
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."
---Fly---
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
---*Red, Blue, and Yellow?
There were three cows, a Red cow, a Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them, on one side of a an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy just grazing along, and they realized that they were out of grass . . . So they were thinking to themselves that if they could get to the OTHER side of this super highway, they could eat the grass over on the other side. So the Blue cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks over to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Red cow is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it and the Red cow could do it, then so could he. So he comes up with an idea, and he walks out into traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red cow turns to the Blue cow and says "Moo."
(The one above doesn't make much sense to me, but I love how in the end, the Yellow one just dies xD)
---Mad-Cow---
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Heck, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
---Cojones---
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. "These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today." The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night." "Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."
---Branding---
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."
---Fly---
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
---*Red, Blue, and Yellow?
There were three cows, a Red cow, a Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them, on one side of a an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy just grazing along, and they realized that they were out of grass . . . So they were thinking to themselves that if they could get to the OTHER side of this super highway, they could eat the grass over on the other side. So the Blue cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks over to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Red cow is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it and the Red cow could do it, then so could he. So he comes up with an idea, and he walks out into traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red cow turns to the Blue cow and says "Moo."
(The one above doesn't make much sense to me, but I love how in the end, the Yellow one just dies xD)
Credits[/b]]
Me-Going through a lot of Websites, and reading some horrible Cow Jokes to find the best ones, and putting this together
Simply Bovine-Source for a lot of my Jokes
Libby-My Friend from School who demanded I do this :3
Simply Bovine-Source for a lot of my Jokes
Libby-My Friend from School who demanded I do this :3