"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."
More of a Joke:
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. "
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."
Funny, but somewhat true:
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
Best quote, imho:
"Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die."
This one's good too:
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. "