I might have some serious problems...

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Maxie

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Euhm... Every time I am home alone, I always take a knife, and play with it.

It's like, I am addicted to the knife, I can't just put it down/away.

What I am thinking when I hold the knife is the thing that is scaring me. I am not thinking "I want to kill someone", but I want to hurt/destroy something.

While I am typing this, I have a knife in my knee, I sometimes think about hurting myself, but sometimes I just like having it. At the moment, I just like having it, but I can't put it away.

Some months ago, my "mate" 'dueled' me, he wanted to have a "Death match", but in real life. With knifes. Back then, I was like, hell no. But now, I am actually considering accepting the challenge.

I have been in a depression, pretty deep one, so it might be why. But I don't know. If anyone got an advice, I'd love to hear it.

This is really hard for me to share, so I would appreciate if you didn't troll/flame.
 
I'd suggest you to tell this to someone else and not the people on the internet, because we can't really do anything, but to advise you, while people who surround you in real life can help you overcome this problem of yours. I would talk to my parents about it first and they should know what the right action would be.
 
Well obviously talk to someone. Check. You've asked us. If you are intrigued by the knife but never actually harmed yourself or others then you are simply considering alternatives for your pain. I'll tell you something, I sleep to hide. Today I took a 5 hour nap when I discovered we may be getting our 5 day notice to vacate our home soon. Our fucking home, and if that happens we'll literally be locked out of the house in 5 days and entering is a breaking and entering crime.

I fight depression as well but you have to know that's what depression is, a fight. So put that knife back in your drawer and don't let it get the best of you. :3

Mine does not get the best of me. Sometimes my dreams do, though...
 

Told my parents, a psychiatrists, a doctor.

I actually did hurt myself.
 
Ok, now I have a feeling you're trolling, simply because it's not possible that doctor wouldn't do anything about your behaveour - unless your country has idiots for doctors.
 
Seljak10 said:
Ok, now I have a feeling you're trolling, simply because it's not possible that doctor wouldn't do anything about your behaveour - unless your country has idiots for doctors.
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Well, I am not 100 % I told the doctor, but I probably did. I knew people would think so, because this story is pretty weird. But the doctor did do something, he made my dose with anti-depressants higher.
edit: I am not really sure, as this have been happening over some months of time. He did increase my dose, but I am not sure of what reason.
 
James said:
If you accept the challenge with your friend please film it and who ever wins uploads it before they go to jail.
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I probably wont, because if I survive, I will go to jail. So there is lose/lose.
Edit: + We aren't friends anymore. But if I felt this way when he asked me, I'd accept.
 
It's a phase.

When I was first introduced into gore videos. It was shocking to me the first few days, then while I was at school I watched it. During class, during lunch, after school, friends house. I wasn't like "LOL @ THIS DUDE!", it was just me being rather sad for all of these people. Having to watch it made me more stronger mentally, I guess. But, I did start to grow a sick mind, and I would always wonder how I would kill someone without being caught. Although, it took a few months to get over it (because I've seen everything, and it got boring). I pretty much wrapped it up, and started to work out, and got my skinny ass in the Navy 'cause I wanted to be a SEAL.

You'll get over it, but consider buying a butterfly knife.
 
People don't usually change their ways until they make a mistake.

Maybe make a mistake that won't cause serious damage and will help put you on the right direction?

If I'm not mistaken anti-depressant increase your chances of suicide, seems silly I know, but while your on it suicide doesn't seem like a horrible thing, just seems like a general action.

You will get worse and worse, the doctor will give you an increased dosing to help counter-act, endless cycle really. Key problem is that this gets worse each cycle.

It won't stop until serious action has been taken, unfortunately, that may take work.
 
Uh is your name dexter...?
 
I suffer drom Derealization,(google it) I have very weird thoughts at times,like very very weird thoughts. That I have the feeling that I need to hurt someone. But I can control myself though. But I am afraid to lose the battle with my mind sometimes.
 
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