How to deal with something

[Rick Harrison]

Hey guys, I need a little help.

I've been with this girl for ten months. I love everything about her. She's funny, she's cute, she's everything I've wanted in someone. Except, there's one problem: she's a pretty big stoner.

Now, before you give me all that crap about pot being ok, listen to the rest of what I have to say. I guess the pot is ok, I'd rather she not do it, but if I have to deal with that to be with her, so be it. My problem is her idiot friends. They're always looking for something more and they pressure her into trying harder stuff.

I'm constantly worried, stressed out, and just over-all depressed lately. I tried talking to her about it, but she's not interested in changing.

So what is the best way for me to get over this without breaking up with her? Thanks.

 

[Damian]

Just tell her how you feel, she's not going to want to stop smoking.. Because well, who would?
Honestly, just make sure she's safe and not getting into that harder stuff you spoke of, obviously you care so tell her that you don't want her to hurt herself, and you'll be there for her.

 

[Kik]

This is me. I support you. I don't smoke or do that stuff, luckily my friends irl are same. I pretty much broke up with last for same reason and my parents don't support. Best of luck to what you do.

 

[FTP]

Just tell her how her friends affect you when they push her to try new harder things. If she doesn't change then you have no choice other than breaking up with her. There is no point of being with someone that keeps you constantly worried, stressed out, and just over-all depressed lately.
Probably not the response you are looking for but best of luck mate

 

[Poison]

Tell her your concern man.
In the end though, you will not be able to control her, and you must know this.
I currently am going through the same thing with my ex girlfriend who has recently gotten back in contact with me. I loved her to death with all of my heart and soul, and made promises to her that I would keep forever. She isn't a drinker or a smoker, but she had lied to me about going to parties and starting to drink while she is at college, and I do not approve plainly of the fact that I don't trust anyone else around her to take advantage of her, but she doesn't see that I guess.

She misses me, but I don't know what to do because of the distance we have because she's away at school, and I'm still home at school. But I don't like that fact that her drinking has gotten heavier than it used to be. I drink as well, but I don't go out all the time to parties. Mostly by myself to wallow in my sorrows, but what depressed drunk wouldn't do that?

All in all, just do your best to sit down and talk with her about your concerns. Just keep in mind, you won't be able to control her.

 

[Rick Harrison]

I've tried talking to her. I told her she doesn't have to give up smoking, just get rid of the people she's been hanging out with because it's not safe for her. She's not interested in that.

---

Tell her your concern man.
In the end though, you will not be able to control her, and you must know this.
I currently am going through the same thing with my ex girlfriend who has recently gotten back in contact with me. I loved her to death with all of my heart and soul, and made promises to her that I would keep forever. She isn't a drinker or a smoker, but she had lied to me about going to parties and starting to drink while she is at college, and I do not approve plainly of the fact that I don't trust anyone else around her to take advantage of her, but she doesn't see that I guess.

She misses me, but I don't know what to do because of the distance we have because she's away at school, and I'm still home at school. But I don't like that fact that her drinking has gotten heavier than it used to be. I drink as well, but I don't go out all the time to parties. Mostly by myself to wallow in my sorrows, but what depressed drunk wouldn't do that?

All in all, just do your best to sit down and talk with her about your concerns. Just keep in mind, you won't be able to control her.

I resorted to drinking, too. It helps a little, but not as much as I need it to.

 

[Envy]

Okay, I have to ask this. Does she love you back? I'm reading your problem, and it just keeps popping up in my mind how insensitive and uncaring she is for your opinion. She shouldn't be hanging out with those people, for sure. She won't get anywhere with them. If she has you, why does she need all this other stuff. There's something going on here, and I'm afraid that it might not end up like how you want it to. I wish you luck. If she doesn't love you, you shouldn't be with her. If she chooses these friends and drugs over you, you shouldn't be with her. Good luck.

 

[Elliot Rodger]

Show how much you care about her, then try and have her show how much she cares about you. Tell her that if she's going to keep hanging out with the people that she hangs out with you're over. If she truly cares about you, she will listen to you and take your advice. Good luck @"Virus".

 

[Kassie]

I think she should be sensitive to how things make you feel. Your feelings are valid, whether people agree with them or not, just because YOU have to feel them. Personally if I was doing something that was hurting a guy, even if I loved it and disagreed with him, I'd drop it, and I have done this. I don't think you're asking for much here.

That being said, @Valiant, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the "if she has you, why does she need all this other stuff." thing. That's a pretty selfish statement and I doubt you'd be so welcoming to the idea if a girl was projecting it on you.

Of course she's going to have things outside of her relationship, but she can pick and choose what those things are for sure.

 

[Sons Of Anarchy]

I think she should be sensitive to how things make you feel. Your feelings are valid, whether people agree with them or not, just because YOU have to feel them. Personally if I was doing something that was hurting a guy, even if I loved it and disagreed with him, I'd drop it, and I have done this. I don't think you're asking for much here.

That being said, @Valiant, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the "if she has you, why does she need all this other stuff." thing. That's a pretty selfish statement and I doubt you'd be so welcoming to the idea if a girl was projecting it on you.

Of course she's going to have things outside of her relationship, but she can pick and choose what those things are for sure.

With the underlined part I agree.
I used to have a friend, which we lose friendship when we reached high school due he was hanging out with the wrong people.
After awhile he started to smoke weed, and from weed to speed.
He's arrested for murder at the moment, due he couldn't get his speed.
He is sixteen years old.
OP I suggest you to take a hard approach.
Show her some pictures of addicts, here I got some for you.

Spoiler

Cocaine

Crack head

Speed addict

Junk

Meth addict

Another meth addict.

I suggest you to show her all the stuff what happens with drugs.
Maybe the story about my friend aswell if you feel like it.

 

[Rick Harrison]

She must love me. She's been with me for ten months.

I'm just worried for her safety, and I'm also worried that when it's time to actually be an adult and leave all that crap behind and start a life with me, she won't be able to leave that.

 

[Sapphire]

Just talk to her about it and hopefully she will understand. If you need some more advice, PM me.

 

[Rick Harrison]

Well, I told her how I felt, and I told her that even if she wants to keep her lifestyle I will still love her and support her. She said I was guilting her into quitting and said that she wants a break for a week.

Part of me just thinks that she only did that so she can smoke guilt-free. Anyway, I'll update this whenever something else happens.

 

[Envy]

@virus forreal man? Am I understanding this right? She wants a break from you? Bro i'm sorry, like I said before, you gotta start asking if she truly loves you.

 

[xVis]

I resorted to drinking, too. It helps a little, but not as much as I need it to.

Well that's not a very smart thing to do.
There is a certain type of person that smokes weed. I'm one of those people, there isn't really much changing it. If they're in it for getting stoned they'll only do weed and be content with that. If she's doing harder shit it's most likely got to do with something deeper than "just felt like doing it," get what I'm saying? I bet if you smoked pot with her she wouldn't do anything like meth; well if she has a head on her shoulder she won't do anything like that anyways.
Good luck Op; may I ask how old you are?
EDIT: She wants a break? Like my Young Dro would say; fuck that bitch.

 

[Rick Harrison]

@virus forreal man? Am I understanding this right? She wants a break from you? Bro i'm sorry, like I said before, you gotta start asking if she truly loves you.

I really don't know anymore. My friends said she's totally fine, she's asking all her stoner friends if they want to chill.

I'm pretty sure she only did this so she can smoke guilt-free. I would try talking to her, but she never responded to me. So I don't know. All my friends say that she still wants to be with me. But I don't know if I want to be with someone that's making me go through hell so they can get around feeling guilty for getting high.

 

[Envy]

I really don't know anymore. My friends said she's totally fine, she's asking all her stoner friends if they want to chill.

I'm pretty sure she only did this so she can smoke guilt-free. I would try talking to her, but she never responded to me. So I don't know. All my friends say that she still wants to be with me. But I don't know if I want to be with someone that's making me go through hell so they can get around feeling guilty for getting high.

There's a difference between wanting to be with you and, just wanting attention/ having somebody care for you. You should ask yourself how much she actually does for you because she 'loves you'. @Virus

 

[Rick Harrison]

There's a difference between wanting to be with you and, just wanting attention/ having somebody care for you. You should ask yourself how much she actually does for you because she 'loves you'. @Virus

She spent at least four months fighting to get me to be with her. Non-stop fighting for me to give her a chance. So I did. And I fell in love with her.

I think she loves me, but I think she's acting like a total idiot right now. I'm mainly worried that at the end of this break she decides that she doesn't want to be together anymore. I don't mind going through this hell, as long as I know she's on the other side.

 

[Rick Harrison]

Well, we're back together at the moment. I laid down some ground rules about her hanging with her "friends" and her usage. She agreed to them, so we'll see if she actually stays with it.

On a side note, if you thought I was overreacting about her "friends", she admitted today that this one dude is broke all the time and whenever he wants to hang, she's gotta buy the weed. She was too stupid to see it.

Anyway, if anything else happens, I'll post.