So, don't really know how to start this but I have no one to go to and I need to talk somewhere about it.
Recently, I had gotten into a relationship with a girl I met years ago.
Now, when I first met her, it was at highschool and we barely ever talked.
She moved away but in one of the groupchats I'm in, a buddy of mine had been keeping in touch with her and decided to add her.
This was around late October to early November and it was all chill. Knowing that I'm a big flirt, I would always flirt with her and shit.
Well she contacted me directly a little soon after and we got to talking.
I basically learnt everything about her and we couldn't stop talking to eachother. Day in and day out.
So now we skip on ahead to the last few days of December going into the New Year.
We've been talking everyday, Skyping at nights and so on.
She opened up to me on how she felt about me and we talked about taking it to the next level.
On the first day of the New Year, I asked her out and she said yes!
I was so happy because everytime we talked, we could talk for so long and she's just so unique with probably the best attitude/personality.
Now keep in mind, there is a distance barrier (not so much that I won't ever get to see her, but definitely not on a day to day basis) and with that comes trust issues.
I've struggled with this my whole life because I've felt abandoned on multiple occasions so it's hard for me to let anyone in my life.
At the beginning, I told her that I'd have trust issues and I'd ask her how would I know if she'd be committed?
Well, for one, I know she doesn't fuck around with other guys and she made it well known she was in a relationship through social media.
We would even Skype while she was at her friends. So, I was happy. I had my trust in her. I was even actually saving up to go down to see her for a week.
Now, we skip ahead to about 2 days before our one month.
I got a call from her and at the beginning I thought it was her friend. I was confused but then the person started asking who I was, how we met and so on.
It turns out, she didn't have long distance calling so her phone racked up a bill and the person that called me was her mother.
Her parents freaked and they saw me as a threat because they didn't know who I was. So, her parents cut her shit down making her not able to text or call.
Her dad also grounded her and changed the wifi.
This all happened in one day and we didn't get to speak much that day, but the next she used her friends phone at school to tell me what happened.
We were snapchatting and she explained to me that we couldn't go on because speaking to eachother would be very limited and she doesn't want to be speaking to me one day, then for like a whole month have no communication with me.
I didn't even know what to say. I got so hurt and even in the snapchats, I seen her crying in class. This day, was just the worse.
So here's where it gets to my issue and sorry for writing so much, I like to talk and explain everything before I get to where I want too.
We've been talking, it's usually around the night when she sneaks her cousins tablet into her room.
We tell eachother how much we mean to eachother and I keep trying to say that this is just another barrier to overcome but she keeps saying she's scared.
I feel like she's contradicting herself and it makes me feel worse because I don't know what she wants.
I want her to be happy and everytime we talk we start happy because I get that chance but it starts to hurt that I can no longer call her mine.
She tells me she wants me to be happy so just keeps suggesting things like to completely stop talking to me so I can move on but then she'll say "you'll forget about me (in a way she doesn't want me to as she told her friend)".
She tells me that she wants me to find someone better to get over her but then she says " I honestly don't want to lose you".
She said were basically friends with benefits but with more than just a sexual aspect that it was borderline relationship but it just can't happen with the issue that came up.
These things have me hurt because the only way I can be happy is with her and it doesn't seem like it's going to happen.
I'm having mixed emotions and I feel like there's more to it but I don't know.
I don't want to lose her but I can't keep fighting herself for her.
This actually kills me because like I said, I never let anyone get close to me and I avoid situations to stop it.
My trust was high and now it's down again.
I don't want to lose her to someone else .
What do I do?
Should I keep trying? How would I do that?
Should I just let it be?
Oh, and yea inb4 tag @shitpussiessay.
Recently, I had gotten into a relationship with a girl I met years ago.
Now, when I first met her, it was at highschool and we barely ever talked.
She moved away but in one of the groupchats I'm in, a buddy of mine had been keeping in touch with her and decided to add her.
This was around late October to early November and it was all chill. Knowing that I'm a big flirt, I would always flirt with her and shit.
Well she contacted me directly a little soon after and we got to talking.
I basically learnt everything about her and we couldn't stop talking to eachother. Day in and day out.
So now we skip on ahead to the last few days of December going into the New Year.
We've been talking everyday, Skyping at nights and so on.
She opened up to me on how she felt about me and we talked about taking it to the next level.
On the first day of the New Year, I asked her out and she said yes!
I was so happy because everytime we talked, we could talk for so long and she's just so unique with probably the best attitude/personality.
Now keep in mind, there is a distance barrier (not so much that I won't ever get to see her, but definitely not on a day to day basis) and with that comes trust issues.
I've struggled with this my whole life because I've felt abandoned on multiple occasions so it's hard for me to let anyone in my life.
At the beginning, I told her that I'd have trust issues and I'd ask her how would I know if she'd be committed?
Well, for one, I know she doesn't fuck around with other guys and she made it well known she was in a relationship through social media.
We would even Skype while she was at her friends. So, I was happy. I had my trust in her. I was even actually saving up to go down to see her for a week.
Now, we skip ahead to about 2 days before our one month.
I got a call from her and at the beginning I thought it was her friend. I was confused but then the person started asking who I was, how we met and so on.
It turns out, she didn't have long distance calling so her phone racked up a bill and the person that called me was her mother.
Her parents freaked and they saw me as a threat because they didn't know who I was. So, her parents cut her shit down making her not able to text or call.
Her dad also grounded her and changed the wifi.
This all happened in one day and we didn't get to speak much that day, but the next she used her friends phone at school to tell me what happened.
We were snapchatting and she explained to me that we couldn't go on because speaking to eachother would be very limited and she doesn't want to be speaking to me one day, then for like a whole month have no communication with me.
I didn't even know what to say. I got so hurt and even in the snapchats, I seen her crying in class. This day, was just the worse.
So here's where it gets to my issue and sorry for writing so much, I like to talk and explain everything before I get to where I want too.
We've been talking, it's usually around the night when she sneaks her cousins tablet into her room.
We tell eachother how much we mean to eachother and I keep trying to say that this is just another barrier to overcome but she keeps saying she's scared.
I feel like she's contradicting herself and it makes me feel worse because I don't know what she wants.
I want her to be happy and everytime we talk we start happy because I get that chance but it starts to hurt that I can no longer call her mine.
She tells me she wants me to be happy so just keeps suggesting things like to completely stop talking to me so I can move on but then she'll say "you'll forget about me (in a way she doesn't want me to as she told her friend)".
She tells me that she wants me to find someone better to get over her but then she says " I honestly don't want to lose you".
She said were basically friends with benefits but with more than just a sexual aspect that it was borderline relationship but it just can't happen with the issue that came up.
These things have me hurt because the only way I can be happy is with her and it doesn't seem like it's going to happen.
I'm having mixed emotions and I feel like there's more to it but I don't know.
I don't want to lose her but I can't keep fighting herself for her.
This actually kills me because like I said, I never let anyone get close to me and I avoid situations to stop it.
My trust was high and now it's down again.
I don't want to lose her to someone else .
What do I do?
Should I keep trying? How would I do that?
Should I just let it be?
Oh, and yea inb4 tag @shitpussiessay.