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Emotionally Retarded?

O F

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I had a really fucked up childhood, growing up in the ghetto with my drug addict mother.
I moved around a lot because of child services, switching schools a lot, being judged.
I was depressed and suicidal, I also had this extreme social anxity that just came out of nowhere along with PTSD and so many other things that just fuck with my mental health. Just leaving the house would cause me to go into a panic... Eventually I started highschool, just about everyone there smoked pot, being around weed and its culture as a kid I had to try it... I loved the feeling and the enviroment with all the chill people. It was a bad school though and that only lasted a couple months . Than I started getting into the street shit, skiping school everyday to 'Turn Up' , sell drugs, chill at the  'traps' and hook up with hood rat thots. Eventually I met a girl at school that had been my neighbour for 5 years but I had never talked to her. She showed me who I was again... but she moved away just months later :(
After this I complete dropped out and moved in with my dad. I started at a new school in a new state in the last month of the school year.
The Anxiety was back and so bad. I started taking Xanax and other benzos i could buy online because my doctor refused to perscribe me.
On the first day I met this girl who looked like my ex, and was from the same little town in the middle of nowhere. It was over whelming, she reminded me so much of her. I only attended like 2 or 3 days after that. my anxity was so bad at this point I was popping so many pills that i was getting all fucked up in school.
I ran out one day and my supply was at home (out of state) so I went into withdrawl at my best friends house in front of a lot of people.
It was the scariest shit. It went on for 3 or 4 days... and I couldn't go anywhere to get help. I didn't want to go through anything like that ever again so I quit.


[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I've been at home full time since. Sitting by a nice fire everyday with a beer and a blunt. Ocasionally forcing my self to go out and socialize, to deal with my anxity. Basically just trying to enjoy life and feel normal. It's been working but acording to my doctor and what I read I have some new form of anxiety. 24/7 everything seems surreal to me, like im in a movie or something. Also it's hard to register my emotions. It's like i feel the same all the time, It makes me almost miss the feeling of being depressed, because even than i felt alive. I'm really tired of living this way...again I have like no emotions so I don't feel suicidal but [/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to me that sounds like a good idea, I really can't stand to live with this forever, and Idk if it will ever go away.[/font]


[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I honestly don't know why I am posting this :s[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I guess I'm just hoping people out there could relate and/or give me some tips on how[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to deal with it.[/font]
 

wood cutting

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lol did you ask your doctor to prescribe you xanax?

they have medicine that will help with anxiety and depression you just need to tell your doctor what kind of problems you're having and don't act like you just want pills
 

Magnificent

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lol im deppresed because no one liked me because I dated whores in 6th grade and they think im annoying and no one talks to me and I always get picked for sports and put at line for flag football and shit.

idk i had to get that out I just want you know that I can relate with you with anxiety and deppresion.
 

O F

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wood cutting said:
lol did you ask your doctor to prescribe you xanax?

they have medicine that will help with anxiety and depression you just need to tell your doctor what kind of problems you're having and don't act like you just want pills
I was on different anti depressant/anxiety medications for years, none of them worked and she knew that.
She just knows Benzos (xanax) aren't safe. At my last appointment I asked her for Clonodine to control my anxiety and she didn't hesitate
to write the prescription.
 

Samus

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Just take adderall makes your forget about everything and focus on another and the feeling you get when your on adi is amazing the side effect is you don't really have feelings towards stuff that would generally be sad if you weren't on it. I had bad anxiety growing up I like always felt I didn't know how to breathe in shit I would always hyperventilate n shit now I'm chill as fuck with this adi prob never going to stop taking it
 

O F

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Samus said:
Just take adderall makes your forget about everything and focus on another and the feeling you get when your on adi is amazing the side effect is you don't really have feelings towards stuff that would generally be sad if you weren't on it. I had bad anxiety growing up I like always felt I didn't know how to breathe in shit I would always hyperventilate n shit now I'm chill as fuck with this adi prob never going to stop taking it

Used to be perscribed adderall, I sleep on it now
 

Samus

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Yeah I did until I got a higher dosage now can't sleep it's lit
 

Cuban

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I can't relate. As for tips, I don't know what to say but I guess you can try meeting new people. I wouldn't suggest FK though. Try online dating. You'll never know who you'll find. Love isn't probably what you're searching for but from what you've said, I'm guessing that all you need is to be loved. I'm not even talking about sex. Something as simple as a smile is what I'm trying to say. Find someone who can make you do that. Online or in real life. It's crazy how a person can change your entire life and how you view it. That's my advice. Also, try to lay off the drugs and alcohol man. That stuff just honestly messes you up. You can't be loved if you don't allow yourself to be loved. All that crazy shit is taking you away from the real world. Sure the real world is cruel. But with love on your side, nothing else really matters. You're invulnerable to all that negative shit. I wish I can help you more but this is all I got. Good luck bro.
 

O F

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Cuban said:
I can't relate. As for tips, I don't know what to say but I guess you can try meeting new people. I wouldn't suggest FK though. Try online dating. You'll never know who you'll find. Love isn't probably what you're searching for but from what you've said, I'm guessing that all you need is to be loved. I'm not even talking about sex. Something as simple as a smile is what I'm trying to say. Find someone who can make you do that. Online or in real life. It's crazy how a person can change your entire life and how you view it. That's my advice. Also, try to lay off the drugs and alcohol man. That stuff just honestly messes you up. You can't be loved if you don't allow yourself to be loved. All that crazy shit is taking you away from the real world. Sure the real world is cruel. But with love on your side, nothing else really matters. You're invulnerable to all that negative shit. I wish I can help you more but this is all I got. Good luck bro.
I'm not old enough for online dating... I'm only almost 16,  but there's this girl I like. We've been friends for years though... she told me she liked me a couple years ago but I've always been to scared to lose her. She saw other people after that but just today, hours after this post I went on twitter and she posted some shit I'm pretty sure was towards me. Than minutes after I went on facebook and she start IMing me, asking to chill with her on halloween.  Anyway hopefully I stop being a lil bitch and shit works out.
 

Cuban

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O F said:
I'm not old enough for online dating... I'm only almost 16,  but there's this girl I like. We've been friends for years though... she told me she liked me a couple years ago but I've always been to scared to lose her. She saw other people after that but just today, hours after this post I went on twitter and she posted some shit I'm pretty sure was towards me. Than minutes after I went on facebook and she start IMing me, asking to chill with her on halloween.  Anyway hopefully I stop being a lil bitch and shit works out.
That's a good sign man. I hope everything works out and the best of luck.
 

Krish

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I was reading this in Incognito.... this post made me log in so I could post this shit.

You control your own realities, you think therefore you are. You can simply just make it go away, have that level of control over yourself and you'll do wonders.

"If I want to experience the impossible, I imagine I do, therefore I have."
 

Before

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I know how you feel. I feel the same at the moment like I'm not happy but not sad either. I used to get so hurt when people left my life but now I feel nothing and I miss feeling the pain. It made me feel alive
 

O F

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Before said:
I know how you feel. I feel the same at the moment like I'm not happy but not sad either. I used to get so hurt when people left my life but now I feel nothing and I miss feeling the pain. It made me feel alive
dude you described me better than I did.
 

Before

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O F said:
dude you described me better than I did.

Just remember you're not alone in this. We all have dark times in life but I do believe things will get better, maybe not tomorrow but in the future.
 

coltie2

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I also have a hard time finding true emotions. Most the time it's just all the same. People often ask me why I'm mad..but all I can say is I'm not? I'm just straight faced and don't know what else to express
 
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