I had a really fucked up childhood, growing up in the ghetto with my drug addict mother.
I moved around a lot because of child services, switching schools a lot, being judged.
I was depressed and suicidal, I also had this extreme social anxity that just came out of nowhere along with PTSD and so many other things that just fuck with my mental health. Just leaving the house would cause me to go into a panic... Eventually I started highschool, just about everyone there smoked pot, being around weed and its culture as a kid I had to try it... I loved the feeling and the enviroment with all the chill people. It was a bad school though and that only lasted a couple months . Than I started getting into the street shit, skiping school everyday to 'Turn Up' , sell drugs, chill at the 'traps' and hook up with hood rat thots. Eventually I met a girl at school that had been my neighbour for 5 years but I had never talked to her. She showed me who I was again... but she moved away just months later
After this I complete dropped out and moved in with my dad. I started at a new school in a new state in the last month of the school year.
The Anxiety was back and so bad. I started taking Xanax and other benzos i could buy online because my doctor refused to perscribe me.
On the first day I met this girl who looked like my ex, and was from the same little town in the middle of nowhere. It was over whelming, she reminded me so much of her. I only attended like 2 or 3 days after that. my anxity was so bad at this point I was popping so many pills that i was getting all fucked up in school.
I ran out one day and my supply was at home (out of state) so I went into withdrawl at my best friends house in front of a lot of people.
It was the scariest shit. It went on for 3 or 4 days... and I couldn't go anywhere to get help. I didn't want to go through anything like that ever again so I quit.
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I've been at home full time since. Sitting by a nice fire everyday with a beer and a blunt. Ocasionally forcing my self to go out and socialize, to deal with my anxity. Basically just trying to enjoy life and feel normal. It's been working but acording to my doctor and what I read I have some new form of anxiety. 24/7 everything seems surreal to me, like im in a movie or something. Also it's hard to register my emotions. It's like i feel the same all the time, It makes me almost miss the feeling of being depressed, because even than i felt alive. I'm really tired of living this way...again I have like no emotions so I don't feel suicidal but [/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to me that sounds like a good idea, I really can't stand to live with this forever, and Idk if it will ever go away.[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I honestly don't know why I am posting this :s[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I guess I'm just hoping people out there could relate and/or give me some tips on how[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to deal with it.[/font]
I moved around a lot because of child services, switching schools a lot, being judged.
I was depressed and suicidal, I also had this extreme social anxity that just came out of nowhere along with PTSD and so many other things that just fuck with my mental health. Just leaving the house would cause me to go into a panic... Eventually I started highschool, just about everyone there smoked pot, being around weed and its culture as a kid I had to try it... I loved the feeling and the enviroment with all the chill people. It was a bad school though and that only lasted a couple months . Than I started getting into the street shit, skiping school everyday to 'Turn Up' , sell drugs, chill at the 'traps' and hook up with hood rat thots. Eventually I met a girl at school that had been my neighbour for 5 years but I had never talked to her. She showed me who I was again... but she moved away just months later
After this I complete dropped out and moved in with my dad. I started at a new school in a new state in the last month of the school year.
The Anxiety was back and so bad. I started taking Xanax and other benzos i could buy online because my doctor refused to perscribe me.
On the first day I met this girl who looked like my ex, and was from the same little town in the middle of nowhere. It was over whelming, she reminded me so much of her. I only attended like 2 or 3 days after that. my anxity was so bad at this point I was popping so many pills that i was getting all fucked up in school.
I ran out one day and my supply was at home (out of state) so I went into withdrawl at my best friends house in front of a lot of people.
It was the scariest shit. It went on for 3 or 4 days... and I couldn't go anywhere to get help. I didn't want to go through anything like that ever again so I quit.
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I've been at home full time since. Sitting by a nice fire everyday with a beer and a blunt. Ocasionally forcing my self to go out and socialize, to deal with my anxity. Basically just trying to enjoy life and feel normal. It's been working but acording to my doctor and what I read I have some new form of anxiety. 24/7 everything seems surreal to me, like im in a movie or something. Also it's hard to register my emotions. It's like i feel the same all the time, It makes me almost miss the feeling of being depressed, because even than i felt alive. I'm really tired of living this way...again I have like no emotions so I don't feel suicidal but [/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to me that sounds like a good idea, I really can't stand to live with this forever, and Idk if it will ever go away.[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I honestly don't know why I am posting this :s[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I guess I'm just hoping people out there could relate and/or give me some tips on how[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]to deal with it.[/font]